


Some Kind of Clarity

by Summerunderthesea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Summerunderthesea/pseuds/Summerunderthesea
Summary: Dear Iwaizumi-san,I am writing to apologise deeply for my actions this morning. After many hours of consideration, it has now become clear to me that throwing a volleyball at your head was an inappropriate way to express my frustration.--Five times Oikawa wrote to Iwaizumi and one time Iwaizumi wrote back





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Letters', a song in 'Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812'.
> 
> Please enjoy this ridiculously self-indulgent fluff.

**ONE**

Dear Iwaizumi-san,

I am writing to apologise deeply for my actions this morning. After many hours of consideration, it has now become clear to me that throwing a volleyball at your head was an inappropriate way to express my frustration, even if you did say that my aim sucks, and call me a ~~shitty guy~~ unsavoury names. I hope that you recover quickly from your concussion.

I beg you accept my apology and forgive me for my error.

Sincerely,

Oikawa Tooru

 

\--

 

_Tooru slides his fifth attempt at an apology letter under the door and hears a heavy sigh from his mother, followed by the tell-tale noise of a pen on paper. While he waits for the return of the letter, which will surely be marked with even more corrections, he finishes a crude drawing of Iwa-chan hitting a volleyball so hard it travels to Mars and hits a Martian in the head. Below it, he writes_ 'I bet your aim is even better' _and smiles. Iwa-chan will definitely like this better than some stupid apology letter._

 

\--

 

**TWO**

Iwa-chan,

G'day from Australia! (Yep, they actually say 'G'day')

We've done so much stuff that I don't think I'll be able to fit it all in this letter, and I'm so tired that I'll probably fall asleep halfway through this but, the bottom line is, I guess Australia isn't _quite_ as bad as I expected it to be.

I mean, it doesn't have a Disneyland or the Empire State building or NASA or any of the things that I actually would've gotten to see in America. And their men's volleyball team has never even placed in the Olympics (how embarrassing).

But it does have kangaroos and koalas, and they're pretty cute. Did you know that there used to be like, kangaroos that were three metres tall? _And_ they had hedgehogs the size of sheep, and a bird that is literally called the 'Demon Duck of Doom'! If they were still alive, I definitely would've had to put my foot down about travelling here.

We also got to see the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge, and, I have to admit, their beaches are really good. Like, ridiculously nice, although conspicuously lacking in beach volleyball players.

Also, I've had to forgive Mum and Dad just a bit, because we drove five hours today to a town called Parkes, which is literally in the middle of nowhere and so lame that no-one ever goes there, but is also really cool because it has this 64 metre radio dish, which is where the televised footage of the news landing was broadcasted! There was a museum there and everything and I've got so many photos to show you, but Mum said I could only send one, so enjoy this slightly blurry picture of me, who is only a tiny (but very good looking) dot next to the dish. It wasn't as good as going to NASA would've been though.

I'm being forced to go to bed now, which is further proof that my parents hate me and don't want me to have any fun at all, but I'll try to write you again later. I hope you're having a fantastic holiday, and that your parents aren't secretly conspiring against you like mine are.

Oikawa

 

\--

_The photo really is terrible, and Hajime can hardly see Oikawa in it at all (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, he says to Oikawa next time he visits), but he hangs it up on the wall anyway, right next to the selfie the two of them had taken on Hajime's mum's phone on their last day of elementary school._

 

\--

 

**THREE**

Iwa-chan,

I know I've already snapchatted you about a million times, but I think I need to write you a letter too, just for the sake of tradition. As always, I'm completely exhausted and don't know how I'm even awake right now, but while we're in Boston visiting Mum's friends I have a spare couple of hours to write.

You know, of all of the holidays I've been on over the last few years, I think Australia was still my favourite. I don't know why, because logically it shouldn't stack up at all, not when compared to France and Italy and now America, but I guess love isn't always about logic. Mum claims I hadn't even wanted to go there, which is obviously wrong because I have a fantastic memory and I'm certain that, despite its weird food and lack of talented volleyball players, I loved every minute of it.

America's still pretty incredible though. I don't think I've ever fallen in love with a city so instantly as when we went to New York, but despite all of its tourist traps and pollution and the rubbish bags left out on the streets, it was somehow just so beautiful. I feel like I could live there for ten years and not even be close to having seen the whole city. And, well, you saw the view from the Empire State Building.

L.A wasn't nearly as beautiful a city, but it is the home of Disneyland and Universal Studios, so that was pretty awesome. It was a bit of a shame that we didn't get to see the Walk of Fame, or go to any of the beaches, but it was worth the sacrifice for a day of outlet shopping. Unfortunately, shopping used way too much of my money and I had to dig into my 'Souvenir for Iwa-chan' fund, so I have enclosed a map of Universal Studios as an apology and the only souvenir you should expect from this trip.

After L.A (and before New York - I'm trying a non-linear style of letter writing to expand my abilities as a scholar, it's not because I'm too tired to think straight or anything) we went to Washington to see the White House and stuff. It was pretty cool, but Takeru was much more excited about the squirrels we saw - I'm sure that he filled up his camera role trying, and failing miserably, to get a selfie with one of them.

That brings us to Boston, where I am currently sitting in a spare room that I have to share only with Takeru (what a luxury) and scribbling this dodgy the letter to you by the light of my nearly flat iPhone. According to Google it's tomorrow afternoon in Japan, which is weird. By tomorrow afternoon America time I'll be in Canada, and you'll asleep, and yeah, that's how time zones work and I'm definitely rambling a bit now.

I miss you guys though. I love America and broadening my horizons and all, but I think I'd maybe rather be at home with you practising volleyball. You and Matsu-chan and Makki-chan I mean. Not just because I miss volleyball, although I’d be lying if I said I was worried about going so long without practising. But sometimes I'd just like to spend my holidays at home with my friends, like when we were younger. I must sound really spoilt though. I mean, I'm in America. And it is awesome. And I'll be back at Seijou with you guys in no time, I know.

I hope your holiday is amazing too. Don't forget to do your holiday homework. And play double the volleyball to make up for my not being there (but not really, because I can't have you getting better than me).

Oikawa

 

\--

 

_The letter really does come with a map of Universal studios, which has been annotated with things like '_ the ride where Takeru threw his cotton candy up on me' _and covered by Oikawa's stupid doodles, as well as a post-it note which reads_ 'don't worry, Iwa-chan, I got you a way better souvenir than this' _. Hajime laughs, sticks them both to his ever-growing wall of photos._

 

\--

 

**FOUR**

Dear Iwa-chan

I hate you so much.

I hate your stupid prickly cactus hair and the way you always call me 'Shittykawa' and your constant need to insult me. I hate your stupid girlfriend and her pretty smile and how sweet she is to me and how she doesn't even care when you blow her off to go to the movies with me because you're both so secure in your stupid fucking relationship. I hate that you taught me how to swear and that I can't play volleyball without you and that you carried me on your back for half an hour when I hurt my knee in the park.

I really hate how much I need you, and how jealous I am of your stupid girlfriend and how you make me a better person but also right now are bringing out all my ugly emotions. I hate that I'm too scared to admit the truth to you and that I can't even admit it to myself yet. I hate how terrified I feel around you, when my palms go all sweaty and my heart thumps hard against my chest and my mouth is so dry I can't speak and I can't even breathe.

I hate your stupid wall of photos in your stupid bedroom and the fact that you buy me an alien shirt every year for my birthday because of some obsession I had when I was like six, and I hate that we spend every Christmas Eve together and that you buy me milk bread when I'm being stupid and moping.

So yeah, I really hate you. I just wanted you to know that.

 

\--

 

_He'd never intended to send it, would never send it in a million years. Instead he tears it in half, then half again. Methodically, he pulls it into smaller and smaller pieces until he has a pile of white confetti. With each_ rip _he feels a tiny bit calmer, can breathe with a little more ease, and when he lets the confetti slowly trickle from his fingers into the bin, he finally feels peace. It's not the first letter he's done this to, and it surely won't be the last, but for now it's enough._

\--

 

**FIVE**

Dear Iwaizumi-san

Remember the first letter I wrote to you, way back in elementary school? When Okaasan forced me to write like ten drafts so that it was perfect? Well, now we're in university, and we're still writing letters. This one isn't going to get ten drafts, or even one. I'm just going to write it and not even look at it again before I send it to you. But it's an apology letter too.

I'm sorry about Mari-san. I mean, I'm not really writing to apologise for that. I'm not even sure what happened between you two. But I know that I wished for you to break up every day, every time I looked at you together even, so I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. So I _am_ sorry for that, even if I'm really just procrastinating right now.

I've gone and done something really stupid. I've done a lot of stupid things in the past - given you a concussion, nearly punched Tobio-chan, overworked myself and wrecked my knee. But this is worse, I- _fuck_.

Umm.

I saved every letter I ever got from you. They're in a shoebox under my bed, and I know it's so cheesy and stupid and that you probably threw mine away. But I'm sentimental and I'm stupid, and every time I got a letter from you it filled me with just peace and real, proper happiness. And I could never figure out what it was.

Last Christmas Eve, when you were meant to be with Mari-san, but you blew her off and came to my place to watch the stars, I kind of figured it out. But the second I did, it wasn't a warm, fuzzy feeling anymore, it was burning and shaking and panicking, like a volcano was going off in my stomach.

I still shouldn't have stopped talking to you. It wasn't your fault. So that's part of what I'm sorry for. It's not all of it, because I'm an even bigger idiot than you think - and you call me (used to call me?) an idiot on a daily basis. So yeah. I'm really dumb.

Being away from you was even worse. It didn't help at all, in fact it made things a million times worse. I was so confused. And it really hurt. Hurt us both, I think.

But then you broke up with Mari-san and I was elated, and it should have made everything worse because I'm honestly just such a terrible person, but instead the confusion cleared up and I finally got it.

And now I feel guilty, and embarrassed, and so ridiculously terrified to tell you the truth, but mostly I just feel relieved because I know now.

I love you.

You don't ever have to speak to me again after this. It kills me to write it, but I promise I won't hold it against you. I told you I'd done something stupid, I've gone and fallen in love with you, and that's why I have to apologise. I tried to stop, I promise I tried because I _know_ how stupid it is to fall in love with someone who will never love me back, but I've always said love defies logic haven't I?

I hope you can forgive me. One day.

Sincerely,

Oikawa Tooru.

 

\--

 

_Hajime punches the wall before he even realises he's done it. Stupid Oikawa and the stupid fucking hour train ride between them. He pulls out his phone, considers calling Oikawa then and there, before putting it in his pocket and grabbing a jacket. Nursing his newly injured hand, he pulls out a shoebox from under his bed and empties the contents of it into his backpack._

 

\--

 

**\+ ONE**

Tooru,

Have gone to get something for breakfast. Will be back soon.

\- H xx

 


End file.
